Click on the covers for more information on the different editions, including their availability. If you cannot view the image, download the most recent version of Flash Player Meanwhile - Back in the Jar | The Hawkline Monster by John Grubber? No doubt some of you have read this book, since it was first published in 1975. But most of you probably haven't, and even if they have, who cares? I'm not going to give away the monster's secret in this article, because that is up to the reader to find out. But I can tell you that it's the most original 'monster' story I've ever read. And also the funniest. Because the chief aspect of this book is its humour; in fact, its ridiculous and bizarre theme could give it no other aspect. Brautigan's style, which is a simple and almost vocal narrative, adds to this humorous effect, in much the same way that Joseph Heller's technique makes Catch-22 even better than its idea-content alone could make it. So, on to the story: Cameron and Greer are two gunmen in the wild west of 1902. We meet them on Hawaii, where they can't shoot a man they've been hired to kill, because he's teaching his kid how to ride a horse. So they forget the money, and Hawaii, which is a unique scenario for a Western, and probably wouldn't work. They head back to San Francisco, do a job, then go on to Portland, Oregon. In Portland, they are met by an Indian girl called Magic Child who is very beautiful and bears a certain relationship to a certain Miss Hawkline. Magic Child takes Cameron and Greer to meet Miss Hawkline, who lives in Hawkline Mansion, in the dead centre of the Dead Hills of Eastern Oregon. On the way they meet a few people who bear no relation to the plot but without those people where would anyone be? They provide more humour, which is the purpose of the book. People such as the barbed-wire drummer, a man whose middle name is Cora. People such as the members of the Morning County Sheepshooters Association, who say that it's all right to shoot sheep. As they reach Hawkline Mansion, coming to within a hundred yards of the building, there is a sudden drop in temperature of about forty degrees. The grass is frozen, despite the fact that it is an ordinary desert summer, with temperatures in the nineties. They learn from Miss Hawkline, who resembles Magic Child very much, that this fact is due to the Ice Caves below the house. This is very interesting. The only problem is that the Ice Caves are inhabited by a monster, who killed Miss Hawkline's father, who was a scientist called Professor Hawkline. Miss Hawkline wants Cameron and Greer to go down and kill the monster. While this problem is being discussed, Magic Child dies. This death is one of the neatest and cleverest in modern fiction. Magic Child's place in the story is pretty adroitly taken up by Miss Hawkline, who is Miss Hawkline's sister. Below the house, apart from the Ice Caves where the Hawkline monster lives, is a laboratory which used to be run by Professor Hawkline, until the monster got him. This laboratory is connected via a strong metal door to the Caves, and in the laboratory is The Chemicals, an experiment started by Professor Hawkline and presently being continued by his daughters, Miss Hawkline and Miss Hawkline. The Chemicals has the property of messing around with the thoughts in people's heads, and all sorts of other childish pranks. To Cameron and Greer this sounds more dangerous than the monster, but the Miss Hawklines are adamant that The Chemicals will one day benefit mankind. Cameron, Greer, Miss Hawkline and the other Miss Hawkline are on their way to kill the monster when the butler, who is seven feet two inches tall and weighs over three hundred pounds, is struck down dead. Then The Chemicals interferes with the thoughts of the Miss Hawklines and they drag Cameron and Greer upstairs for a spot of love-making. They wonder how they're going to bury the seven foot, two inch tall butler; this problem is solved when they return downstairs to find him shrunk to thirty-one inches, and they bury him in a suitcase. Finally, they return to kill the Hawkline Monster. But meanwhile, Cameron and Greer have come to a conclusion about the monster, which will remain unrevealed here, but puts a whole new complexion on the business of killing it. And also provides some hilariously ridiculous chapters like 'The Hawkline Monster in the gravy' and 'Meanwhile, back in the Jar.' Cameron and Greer have a job, but eventually they persuade Miss Hawkline and the other Miss Hawkline to let them kill The Chemicals as well, since The Chemicals seems to be a pretty nasty threat. So off they go, finally, to kill a monster and a jar of chemicals. The battle between the Hawkline Monster and Cameron and Greer is joined, and it is a terrible struggle; a third force, called The Shadow (actually the shadow of the Hawkline Monster), intervenes on the side of the humans. Cameron kills The Chemicals by pouring whisky into the jar. The sparks which fly as a result of this threaten to burn the place down, so Cameron and Greer rush from the scene. The Ice Cubes [Caves?] melt to form Lake Hawkline; the Hawkline Monster is killed and, as a result of its death, the evil that it has done is reversed. The Miss Hawklines are reunited with their father, and the faithful butler is resurrected and returned to his former bulk—which event makes one hell of a hole in the ground. The mansion burns down and the Hawkline Monster's reign of terror is over. As for whether or not they all lived happily ever after - that, also, is up to you to find out. And it's well worth the effort. Vortex? 1(5) May 1977: 47-48

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